#we will see!!!!! aku on the brain always!!!!!!

[starletdust]

HI HI HI IM HERE TO EXIST IN YOUR INBOX TO CHEER YOU UP. I noticed you suggested Poe and Akutagawa were some of your favorites. So. Could I request some headcanons for Little Akutagawa and Caregiver Chuuya? :3 I like the idea of Chuuya connecting with Akutagawa after Dazai leaves

𐂯 little akutagawa & cg chuuya hcs !!!! ୨୧

i was going to go back to doing requests in order ( lie ) and then you came along . hi i hope it’s comfy in my inbox please visit whenever you���d like . but chuuyamention happy binkies i love them both aaauugh my creatures ♡

probably not the most in-character but we will ignore that right ., right .

𝜗𝒞 ;; akutagawa didn’t actually realize he regressed at first ! he mostly chalked it up to exhaustion making his brain feel a little fuzzy and his motor skills a bit worse than usual , until he was doted on a little extra after a rougher mission and he was way more aware of how he was acting / what he was acting like …

 ⤷ even then though he didn’t properly label it as regression — not until chuuya swooped in and began to care for him !!

☆ ;; chuuya makes sure to give akutagawa the praise he needs !!! it’s not the same as dazai’s , but the little guy always tries to be ‘ useful ’ even when bitty (,,>﹏<,,) chuuya tries to get him to relax a bit more but sometimes it’s a losing battle TT

 ⤷ akutagawa also tries to tell chuuya he’s regressed a bit older , maybe around 7-9 , but in reality he’s usually in the 3-5 range … he melts with just a tiny bit of pampering though ! he’s already pretty tired when little , mostly getting into his headspace involuntarily , so his resolve is quite weak ,,,

۶ৎ ;; akutagawa isn’t the biggest fan of color , and he doesn’t buy himself much for regressing — mostly because all the baby things are just too bright and overwhelming for him < / 3 he likes when everything’s coherent together , and muted colors are his best friend !!! although he has a few outliers in his little gear ( that chuuya has spoiled him with ) , namely things that remind him of the people he’s close to !

★ ;; a very very quiet , very very sedentary little . he’s not entirely nonverbal , but he doesn’t speak very much and likes to spend most of his time doing easy activities or watching chuuya do whatever ^^ however he’ll absolutely voice whenever he’s uncomfy or feeling icky !!

𝜗𐑞 ;; chuuya is sort of an in-between of a father figure and just close friend kind of caregiver (..◜ᴗ◝..) akutagawa doesn’t call him any sort of title , but he’s definitely one of if not the first people he goes to with advice for trickier stuff ( like emotions ) ! chuuya’s just glad to see his subordinate(s) doing okay , i think he’s always had that sort of protective instinct with every organization he’s been in and it just amplifies when akutagawa regresses ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

♫ ;; chuuya tries to get akutagawa out of his coat for safety reasons if he’s bitty , but a lot of the time it just freaks the tiny out more — it’s super hit-or-miss !!! if he’s regressed especially young though chuuya tends to succeed , since it can be a bit heavy / overstimulating for aku compared to some comfier clothes or pajamas ໒꒰ྀི˶˃ᆺ˂˶ ꒱ྀིა

yay ! i somewhat wrote something ! again i promise i know their characters i’m just not at my best fallign to my knees sorry this is all over the place

@twinypwupy

[inkykeiji]

hi hi good morning!! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ today it is suuuper gloomy n rainy here so it’s making me rly sleepy but i hope u have a good day and i love u!!! <33

[osamucide]

I dunno if we're still lusting over Akutagawa but I just wanna say that that the idea of him being turned on by gore in horror movies made all the blood leave my brain immediately because I've been having these fantasies about reciting him some disturbing ass poems about, fkn cannibalism or something, whilst jerking him off

um we are ALWAYS lusting over Akutagawa in this house. see below the cut for real lit nerd shit. cw here—handjob, sub!Aku, John Donne himself is a content warning, mdni

This made me think of Donne’s "The Flea"—if you’ve not read it, basically it uses intermixed blood inside a flea as an extended metaphor for sex and it kind of has no business being so fucking hot for how strange it is (quoted below is the last stanza). And I think Akutagawa, in the limited swath of earthly things he indulges in outside of Dazai's approval, fucks with ANY kind of deranged media, not just movies; his beloved touching him while they recite weird poetry? Oh my god. Your mind is huge, anon. Listen—

"Cruel and sudden, hast thou since purpled thy nail, in blood of innocence?" you sigh, voice slow, deliberate, hardly above a whisper; you pinch the spine of the leather-bound anthology, balancing it against one of his trembling shoulders as you straddle his waist, sinking your teeth into the milky skin beneath the severity of Ryuunosuke's jawline. "Wherein could this flea guilty be, except in that drop which it sucked from thee?"

Your other hand strokes him, softly, agonizingly; Ryuunosuke's breath is short, rhythmic, quietly frustrated between his chest and his throat as he tugs at the rope binding his wrists behind his back, his fingers flexing wide, curling into fists. When you squeeze just beneath his leaking tip and work your way down his cock, his forehead falls into your shoulder, where he returns your bite through a pitchy groan.

"Yet thou triumph'st, and say'st that thou... Find'st not thy self, nor me the weaker now." You, calculated, roll your wrist faster; his stifled groan gives way to a gasp, an open-mouthed plea for you to continue, and he twitches, hips lurching upward in pursuit of more of your touch. "'Tis true; then learn how false, fears be—"

"Please," Ryuunosuke's voice weaves through yours, desperate and broken amidst cries of your name. "My love, please."

"Just so much honor, when thou yield'st to me," you continue, pausing only to lick across the chain of bruising kisses you've left upon his neck. Pink and needy and twitching like the rest of him, his cock stutters, jumps as pearly white ropes of cum are spurting from him, hitting his pale chest and stomach, dripping over your fingers. You mutter the last line as he sobs, thanking you in breaths so shaky and hoarse and spent that you can't help your satisfied smile; "Will waste, as this flea’s death took life from thee." ⊹

this ask also made me think of a dissertation I read in my undergrad and it’s called "Raw Metaphors: Cannibal Poetics in Early Modern England" by Amanda Lehr. it’s wonderful and if you’re a cannibalism-in-poetry freak like me DEFINITELY check it out. it's lengthy but so worth the read.

[kcdrawns]

Kaji Ren Theory

Hello so first of I am basing this in experiences in real life of someone close to me and it will contain manga spoilers.

(Tw: Mental Illnesses, abuse and bad parenting, feat aka Aku (me) being a Dad )

We all know kaji as a monster and goes in blind rage it was already told in the anime very lightly.

One thing that stood out to me is how Kaji never remembers when he goes into that blind rage, completely shocked afterwards.

It does seem a lot like dissociative Identity disorder (DiD), for those who don't know is when someone who is young suffer a lot of repetitive trauma none stop and the brain decides the only chance to survive is to split. I am not going into detail since everyone has Google now a days if they are in Tumblr. (Info here)

The amnesia of actions from an alter (one of the splits) are one of the symptoms and from my point of view, Kaji's alter is not violent as in I will hurt because why not but it can be a protective one that is a persecuter (alter that isn't bad but wants to protect but accidently causes harm) fits perfectly in kaji. It seems like a last resort, he looked at Kusumi and Enomoto, before going rampage in a desperate atempt to protect himself and his friends and team.(The manga part of the fight in the bridge with Banjo.)

Kaji in the manga also when younger with hiragi and other future Furin members cries a lot out of anger, don't know if I am going crazy but as someone who deals with did irl and kids with trauma that is a very common response, to lash out and yell out of anger while crying, it's not being heard at home/school or even being abused physically. Everyone in junior blamed Kaji and named him a monster, yet no one asked, why? Why is the kid acting like this? What is going on? Wich deeply saddens me.

Most Furin boys have so much rocky paths it truly is heart breaking, I wish grown ups where more aware and it's a bit of a critique to society in my end.. people always blame kids but never try to see the reasoning behind the kids acrions because in the end abused kids, either isolate due to negeletc and trauma or mimic the parents actions and can be seen as vile or hostile..

˚₊⋅─── /ᐠ - ˕ -マ ───⋅ ˚₊

Anyway! I wanna hear your thoughts on this!🤔 This was quite heavy emotionally and I apologize but gosh. I adore his character a lot.

[alchemicon]

Who is your favorite character from bsd?

Hello!!! GREAT question hahahahahaha (pretending this question doesn't keep me up at night). i have a few to say the least. Here's them in random order (except for dazai)

-Osamu Dazai: for me dazai is like a life changing character. I can confidently say he changed my brain structure and chemistry permanently. maybe it's how he struggles with being genuinely good and how hard he tries. maybe it's how he masks his inner turmoil with a clown facade. maybe it's because, despite all the grief and all the pointlessness he sees in life, he tries so hard to stay alive, to do good and to honor the promise he made to his friend. he's a character that was written for people like me, he's a babygirl, i want to hug him and i want to see him suffer and i want to study him under a microscope

-Sakunosuke Oda: i was really drawn to him in the anime but what cemented him as one of my favourites was reading the dark era ln. His internal monologue is so bizarre and whimsical and genuinely funny and so charming. I'm enamored with him and i understand why dazai loved him as much as he did as well. In the end I really love a well executed tragedy too and oda's story is a beautiful tragedy.

-Nikolai Gogol: guess i have a thing for entps being one myself but I'm head over heels for kolya. I've genuinely never seen a character like him before. he's so unpredictable and while he's seemingly unhinged and violent, i think the glimpses of the person behind that behaviour are fascinating. I genuinely consider his interaction with atsushi where he tells him that he has guilt and feels emotions just like everybody else and how he craves freedom, one of the best character moments in the whole manga tbh. His character design is beautiful too, very hard not to love

-Ryonousuke Akutagawa: there's so much pain in akutagawa, it is impossible for me to not like him. he's so lost, so far away from the path of the light. he begins by trying to prove himself to dazai and he's so so hurt and so alone. and he finds atsushi... their rp is the heart and lungs and soul of the manga I'm so serious about this. and specifically the way they influence eachother to become better versions of themselves. akutagawa being the only one atsushi can be the most genuine version of himself with. the way he honors his promise to not kill anyone until their fight. his character is still developing and I'm SEATED to watch it all the way which also brings me to .....

-Atsushi Nakajima: i adore atsushi. I've never seen such a raw and visceral portrayal of trauma, the long term consequences it comes with and the issues it leaves people with. he feels worthless and insecure and we see how much this impacts him. he deals with things that are considered scary and he's just a great example of the fact that mental illness affects primarily the people who have it and doesn't cause them to be violent or whatever ( the fact that he canonically hallucinates is also so so so important i just love these things about his character). Same thing as aku, his rp w aku is the heart and soul of bsd as a story. I specifically love how he impacts aku in such a positive way, but also how we see his more snappy and sassy side with aku that he usually hides from others. Lovely protagonist too, atsushi you will always be famous

-Chuuya Nakahara: i love chuuya to death. Like it's concerning sometimes. I used to be a bit unsettled by him because i couldn't understand how a person like him who seems like a person with morals and loyalty and so much love in him, ended up in the horrific world of the mafia. And then i read fifteen and stormbringer. And my heart broke for this boy. I'm rooting for him to find another path tbh but idk how that will go. He's made for the world of the light and I'll die on this hill. Soukoku is also like a brain chemistry altering ship. The way they trust each other and the way they bicker like an old couple and the way he brings out dazai's protective side (stormbringer rooftop scene and fifteen arcade scene you'll always be famous). Chuuya is a storm, you can't look away, he's so beautiful and I'm just as obsessed with him as dazai is. Just like everything else i really love how he isn't scared to call dazai out on his bs, how kind he is to aku and how much he cares about people. It's so hard not to love chuuya

-Sigma: I'm still waiting for more information to be revealed about sigma but from what I've seen he's up there with the rest of them. He's similar to atsushi in some regards which makes him easily lovable to me. He also regards himself lowly because he believes that amongst these superhumans around him, he's painfully average and ordinary. That's a very relatable sentiment even if you're not surrounded be people with superpowers. Combined with the fact that he's desperately looking for a place to belong, it's so hard not to love sigma. I really hope he gets to join the agency, that would be wonderful for his character.

Thanks for the question and sorry for dumping all of this on you!

[casketfortwo]

Babel by R.F. Kuang; a special review part one (30/01)

Babel, one of the book that I desperately wanted to read beside Namiya General Store and The Midnight Library. Katanya buku ini ngomongin soal Oxford dan Institut Penerjemahan nya. It talked about a guy named Robin Swift, an orphan from Canton that got adopted by a Professor from English. I don't know why something urged me to read it, so I did. Awalnya aku baca the English version, tapi kata yang dipakai disana itu kata-kata keren, kata-kata besar yang aku engga ngerti. I read the first chapter in English, then decided to read the translated version. Kebetulan, ada orang baik yang ngasih and I'm very grateful for it. From the first time I read it, it always reminds me of you. Hence, I'm gonna review it and update it from time to time everytime I read (there might be spoilers ahead, I'm sorry in advance).

(30/01)

Book One, Chapter 2-4 (End, p. 105)

As I said, I read the first chapter already. It talked about Robin's experience on going from Canton to London. He only know his mother, but not his father. But then, her mother died because of a disease. Then, Professor Lovell found him like a puppy losing his mother. Professor Lovell adopted him, taking him to London just so he can study in Oxford. It was a hell lot of things at once.

Little lovely Robin that knows nothing but understand English really piqued Professor's interest. He have this ambition to make Robin an English man. Little Robin work hard on it. Dia beneran punya jadwal dari pagi sampai malem, isinya belajar Bahasa Latin dan Yunani. Sometimes, Robin dan prof nya ngomong pakai Cantonese dan Mandarin just so Robin won't forget his root. Katanya, bahasa kalau ga dipakai terus, mau kamu penutur asli atau bukan, bakal kelupain somehow. Kayak kalau kebanyakan baca buku Inggris, lupa sendiri Bahasa Indonesia nya 'bebal' dan harus nyari di kamus Indonesia-English. He was right of course.

Hari-harinya Robin itu bosenin, tapi ada satu waktu Robin ngelakuin hal yang salah. And it was hell for him. Tapi dia ga nangis. Dia tahan semuanya dan punya tekad biar engga ngelakuin lagi. Buatku, that's a really strong guy there. Coba bayangin, a little kid, anak kecil yang harusnya main dan lari-lari sama temennya, malah diem di rumah, belajar bahasa. Ga ngeluh, ga berhenti atau kabur, tetep belajar demi jadi akademisi kayak yang Prof Lovell mau.

Kataku, Robin kecil beneran live to survive. Dia gamau balik ke Kanton, dia cuma mau disana dan masuk Oxford. He got the ambition, he got the brain, he is a hardworker.

Terus pas udah agak gede, dia masuk Oxford University di Institut Penerjemah. The building that he'll study on is called Babel and the people in them are called Babbler (diledekinnya gitu). Karena ini masih di tahun 1800an, mereka bener-bener perduliin status sosial dan ras dan SANGAT PATRIARKI. Institut Penerjemah itu satu-satunya yang nerima orang di luar orang Eropa, banyak beasiswa yang dikasihin ke orang-orang luar Eropa yang menjanjikan biar bisa nerjemahin script script gitu.

Robin is cute, I think. He is that little guy who knows only knowledge, but not much of people, especially girls. Dia gapunya temen seumuran dan pas nyampe Oxford, dia nemuin satu temen yang langsung akrab, dipanggilnya Ramy. Dia muslim India gitu, dari Kalkuta.

Aku mau nangis dikit bacanya. I mean, loneliness can be suffocating and once a person get out from it, it feels like freedom. Seseneng itu Robin sampai gatau harus ngapain. Terus in here, I remember about meeting you again. The first time I met you in those fancy hotels that you're staying at with your family. Even if we only stayed in the lobby, I was so happy to finally see you that I don't know what to do. Aku minta maaf karena engga mau kemana-mana even when you suggested some places—aku cuma mau liatin kamu dan deket-deket sama kamu. Kalau ke tempat rame, aku gabisa pegangan, gabisa peluk, gabisa ngapa-ngapain. I'm sorry, but I'm really glad we didn't go anywhere. Soalnya I can stare at you and adore you more. Gatau mau ngapain, gatau apa yang bakal dilakuin, did everything on impulse and excitement and just the feeling of immense happiness.

Anyway—back to Babel again, sorry. Habis itu, Robin sama Ramy bener-bener jadi sahabatan, doing stuffs together for three days (karena hari pertama masuknya tiga hari lagi). They spend their money for foods, for books, and things they wanna do. Terus ada beberapa scene dimana Robin sounds like a hopeless romantic and I just. I don't know. I can't help but smile.

Then, even if they didn't go along with those rich kids that goes in because daddy's money and status, they did met others that like them. Bedanya mereka perempuan, namanya Victoire dan Letty. Both speak French. Pertama ketemu, lucu banget. You need to read it yourself. Terus awalnya mereka kayak engga temenan baik, tapi lama kelamaan mereka jadi temenan aja gitu. Mungkin karena mereka beda dari yang lain, mungkin ada dorongan dari mereka yang kayak; oh, they're different too, we can be different together, atau mungkin ya karena keharusan satu Institut di Institut Penerjemah. We don't know. But Robin did questioned it right after.

He's right. Kenapa bisa ya orang cepet akrab kayak gitu? They're so different from each other, they came from a different country, and they're only there for the knowledges, but why can they trust each other easily? Soalnya disini juga dijelasin tentang politik zaman itu. It was really heavy. Tapi it was worth it.

Kayaknya aku suka buku ini karena I cannot do what they wrote. I mean, dia bisa ngejelasin tampang orang that specifically, beautifully, dan bisa ngejelasin tempat like we're in there. I cannot do that. But—like you said—not all of us can be like R.F. Kuang, I guess?

Honestly, the thing that reminded me of you is the way R.F. Kuang explain about words and where it came from. Ngejelasin kalau kata-kata yang kita ucapin sehari-hari itu punya roots nya sendiri. Dijelasin not only English, but also Latin. Udah kayak lagi kuliah Gramatika 2 sks in a fun way with lots of imagination.

Aku baru baca buku 1 on the book, I'll start book 2 later on. Lucu, part part nya disebut Book one, Book two, Book three, etc. It didn't bore me, it makes me wanna read more.

I understand why its a popular book. Engga melulu nyeritain Oxford, bahasa, dan Institut itu doang. It also talked about family issues and the life of a young boy who tried to surpass his adopter expectations and become a really good translator.

Buat sekarang, it's a 5/5 ⭐ for me (I love it). Tapi belum tau nanti gimana. Masih banyak soalnya, lihat.

[madraleen]

Bungo Stray Dogs - Kafka Asagiri/Sango Harukawa Vol. 13: I have enough to say to make a post just for a single volume apparently - A Commentary (*anime spoilers and manga spoilers up to ch.114)

-@cover: AND I REPEAT! FYODOR, IF VILLAIN WHY SO PRETTY! also dazai-chan looks extra pretty princess, i approve. atsushi lowkey looks like he's about to fuck shit up, which i also approve. and aku-kun i approve in general.

-the colored page always takes me by surprise, it's so pretty

-OH LOOK, A DAZAI OUTLINE AMONG THE MEMBERS OF THE AGENCY! REMEMBER WHEN THAT WAS A THING?! WHEN DAZAI WAS PICTURED AMONG THE AGENCY? HA?!

-also, another thing on manga vs anime: because the timeline is so streamlined, so far the character appearances have been pretty even. there's not too much or too little of anyone, it feels just right. i wonder if that'll still stand for the s4-s5 arcs and their many side-plots. of course this feels different when you're reading month to month, i assume you start screaming in exasperation at some point over who you see and who you don’t, but in the volumes it works great

-atsushi, angry, uncomfortable: "let me go , dazai-san!" akutagawa, docile, obedient: "senpai asks, senpai gets."

-it's funny, 'cause an injured dazai technically wouldn't be able to do much if atsushi or akutagawa threw fists with him right now, yet he's holding them by the scruff like stray cats.

-oh that's such a different vibe, i feel like! dazai's "could you not go running wild? you'll open up my stomach wound," in the anime it was played as a funny moment to restrain the kids, whereas here it feels like dazai is actually serious in the comedy of the panel

-dazai: "could you not go running wild?" atsushi: *presses himself against dazai's side and by extension his wound* BUT WHY IS AKUTAGAWA-" oh atsushi i love you

-there's a certain way that harukawa-sensei draws mouths that you can practically hear the obnoxiousness of the characters' tone, especially with ranpo and dazai

-*mutters something about dazai's hands*

-dude, the panel composition is beautiful idk. very dynamic

-"it's no wonder dazai-san chose to abandon you and disappear!" omfg atsushi. also yes bitch, slay, but omfg you ruthless little man-tiger.

-atsushi ain't having anyone's shit. everyone around him is deranged, foe and ally alike, and he's gonna react via expression or call them out for it, i love that about him. he's such a rich character, because yes he's been abused and he's traumatized and has low self-esteem, no self-worth and so on, but goddamn he ain't gonna stand there and take all this insanity

-"hellhound" akutagawa, dogs, mafia dogs, agency cats, i'm still on that.

-"what are you, a lawn mower!? dazai-san left you because all you think about is chopping up the enemy!" AHAHAHA ATSUSHI PLEASE!

-"I'LL TURN YOU INTO A TIGER-SKIN RUG" - AKU-KUN, PLEASE! atsushi and aku-kun have upped their bickering game, good for them

-like in the anime, aku-kun isn't coughing anymore so i'll just go ahead and assume his lung disease has flare-ups that come and go (or is affected by certain environments, eg the sea)

-babe. atsushi. my love. not only dazai-san trusts you, but EVEN AKU-KUN ACKNOWLEDGES AND SAYS OUT LOUD THAT DAZAI-SAN "PUTS A LOT OF TRUST IN YOU"! that's like almost too much trust in layman's terms

-"bamboo shoots come from bamboo, so mushrooms come from mush" oh god, that's something *i* would say

-oh actual rat members, great, thank you.

-akutagawa went from "wha-!?" to "how do i steer that thing" in a heartbeat when riding on atsushi, i love him. they're hilarious, bsd is so entertaining

-i imagine the creative conundrum, "how exactly do we position akutagawa so that he can ride on atshushi's back"

-ATSUSHI'S AND AKU-KUN'S COLOR PATTERNS ARE SO COMPLEMENTARY I CANNOT

-dude seriously though, the panel composition. it's beautiful.

-i mean, the kids are big-braining it. they're not five-braining it like the geniuses, but they're big-braining it alright

-lol, dazai-san is so shocked that the climber's not dostoyevsky that his eye veins popped out, good good

-"far crueler than my own mentor," akutagawa's "own mentor" being dazai? then yes, orphanage director is far crueler.

-lemme make an interlude here, 'cause i'm still on my dazai and the nurse bullshit. i just keep thinking that if you don't interpret it as another "actually, dazai didn't do that" moment in the long line of "dazai didn't do to that woman what you think he did" gags, and you actually interpret it as dazai fucked/sexually pleasured the nurse in order to get his phone and continue with business, it's one of the subtly darkest, saddest moments, because he probably learned that in the mafia, and he employs that tactic while physically in pain, to a literal stranger, and then goes on with business completely unbothered because he doesn't give a fuck about the nurse, his physical discomfort or his own body in general, and only used himself as a tool so that he can continue operations, STILL uses himself as a tool even though no one wants that of him now (not like this), and that's just so sad and fucked up.

-"most people are unaware that the tiger's claws can tear through skills themselves" aku-kun is pleased that he knows this

-no seriously,  mori-san is so much prettier in the manga. like wth, sometimes he's serving looks

-your master cut out the parts of your brain that feel unhappiness?! WTF IS FYODOR'S SKILL

-ahaha, dazai contacted francis, later atsushi contacts francis... like senpai like kouhai

-interesting. dazai yells "don't touch him" FIRST, and then fyodor kills the man, so it could very well be that he only does it to mislead dazai that touch is necessary for his skill, to play right into his false(?) guess.

-well yeah, dazai is conflicted because he doesn't know fyodor's skill, therefore lacks very important information, ACTUALLY miscalculated fyodor's moves until the very end (as did ranpo), and fyodor just let himself get arrested without any real fuss, which is sus. dazai's at a major disadvantage information-wise and he knows this ain't over (it's never over. it's never ever ever over, never ev-). but it's sweet that it's atsushi that notices this in a scene where it's just the two of them. idk, the fact that it's atsushi and that he doesn't really dwell on it, just reinforces how human dazai is in atsushi's eyes. to everyone else, it'd be a "!" moment. atsushi just notices it, as a fact.

-it feels like in dazai's eyes, atsushi is at his core all that is good and pure and righteous and shiny. the oda vibe in its purest form, never wavering, never tarnished.

-LOUISA IS ONLY 18?!

-"WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT YOUR INNER DRAMA!?" AHAHA RANPO-SAN <3 if that ain't the essence of bsd, i don't know what is.

-this ain't no rivalry, dear poe, you're just ranpo-kun's bitch. it's alright, we understand

-this "the conjurer" that they refer to fyodor as is the anime's "majin"? demon fyodor?

-i forget, DO we know the real reason fyodor let them capture him? we know why fukuchi wanted him imprisoned, but fyodor himself?

-ahahaha kunikida makes glasses with his skill and dazai knows and can nullify them? AHAHAHAHAAH that's cute

[selvianyptr-blog]

Tidak tahu persis kapan hari itu dimulai dan hari itu adalah hari dimana aku menyadari kehadiran sosok pria tinggi berwajah kalem itu sering berkeliaran di area ruang ganti pakaian pria sekitar beberapa bulan lalu.

Setiap kali aku melihat wajah kalem itu entah kenapa mata ini selalu memandanginya kemanapun dia pergi dan aku pun tidak tahu alasannya apa yang pasti wajah pria itu menenangkan hati kadang kala ia juga tersenyum bahkan lesung pipinya sangat menggemaskan ia juga tidak banyak berbicara

Tidak banyak inginku dari pria ini ibarat melihatnya saja sudah cukup tetapi aku ingin berkenalan dengannya tetapi juga bingung harus memulai dari mana untuk berkenalan yang pasti porsi ketertarikan aku ini tidak menggebu gebu aku hanya merasa tenang didekatnya

Dear Ilham

I thought getting older and being alone after passing the first quarter of life is all about crisis, stress, and boring also facing life challenges repeatedly yet losing interested of everything but everything has change since that day. Blushing and he was waving at me nervously with his cute uniform and I was wiped the table we met before the time we expected to meet as we both already planned to see each other around 5pm at employee cafeteria but I saw him at my workplace. He was blushing in a very adorable way a thousand questions has been popped up on my brain and keep asking "is he interested to me too? how old is he and what if he's married already". for god sake we both know how to get closer each other that was easiest one to catch someone from same frequency if people said we only fell in love 3 times in our life and the first should be our first love, the second one must be the most traumatizing love and the last one is definitely love of our life and it must be your future husband and I believe that god may gathered us in somewhere before many times and we haven't notice yet and we always wishing we met earlier but our personality may not developed yet. The one you desire is waiting for me since very long time ago it has written on luh mahfuz.

everyone keep sending us good prayer also thanks a lot for being supportive bestie ever even my parents support us too.

Dear Ilham I may always having heartbeat palpitations everytime I see you, you will be my forever crush of my life

I love you 💕

[sariel626]

I know this is like a dead TikTok trend, but I died when I pictured Akutagawa’s reaction like poor baby.

TW: none that I can think of

———————————————————————

Atsushi ❤️‍🩹

We all know Atsushi tries to stay focused on work

but opening one snap from his s/o wouldn’t hurt…right?

Haha

Hahaha

He opens it up and immediately smiles when he sees a picture of you in the mirror with the caption “Atsushi darlin’, you’re my best friend.”

Then he opens the next snap and is confused by all means when the next says “but there’s a few things that you don’t know of…”

Atsushi notices Dazai smirking on the couch and assumes it’s all a prank

Oh my poor baby, it’s far from that

The next snap is a picture of you applying lipstick captioned, “like why I borrow your lipstick so often”

He’s immediately trying to respond without getting into trouble, but the keyboard doesn’t want to type English

Then you send the snap that sends him over the edge

“How I’m using your shirt as a pillowcase”

Like he isn’t surprised that you have it but why?? He is sending snap after snap asking you to explain while trying to hide his blushing mess of a face

‘Sushi thought his snaps will end it?

He thought wrong

You send the snap “I wanna ruin our friendship”

Poor Atsushi

He genuinely thinks you want to end the friendship and starts questioning where he went wrong.

When you get the snap back saying, “I understand. It was nice to be your friend while it lasted and I’ll never forget the memories we made together.” Your heart breaks

Atsushi checks his phone when you send him another snap and clicks on it

“I wanna be lovers instead”

Cue Atsushi blushing again and falling out of his chair

Kunikida is so confused and worried for Atsushi but that doesn’t matter right now

Atsushi’s already on his way to your place to seal the deal

That beautiful final snapsterpiece completely thrown out the window, traded for a new boyfriend

Ranpo💖

How dare you do this to him while he’s eating his sweets?

Well, to be fair he’s always snacking on something

I don’t think Ranpo would use Snapchat much. He has to save those brain cells for solving mysteries!

So you pass them with sticky notes on candy bars (and the sticky note may or may not have little doodles on it)

Now Ranpo knows immediately what’s going on after the first sticky note

So he offers to share one of the 10 candy bars, but only one! And don’t expect him to share again

Yosano got pictures of his reaction for you, don’t worry

Akutagawa 🖤

I’m dying and I haven’t even written the scenario😂

Aku was prolly really tense from being busy with missions and you decided to pull this on him

I feel like Aku is a text guy more than a Snapchat guy

I imagine him receiving each text and being more and more confused

Then he gets the “borrow your lipstick” text

You know this man is blushing bright red from embarrassment and furiously texting you to defend himself

He doesn’t get why you’d use his shirt as a pillowcase either

Even after you finish the prank, he has to have Gin explain to him

She has to stifle a laugh at his naivety and explain in full detail

If he wasn’t before, you know Aku is a complete blushing mess after that

Obviously he has to finish work first, but I’d expect a nice date and cuddles (maybe more if you’re lucky)

[itlivesproject]

what’s y’all’s guilty pleasure tropes in media? (e.g. tropes that are so bad it’s good, or smth you’re a tad embarrassed about loving!)

Boy do we some answers for you, anon

Maggie

Oh I have soooo many. Mostly I love a good romancing the bad guy/villain trope where the villain has questionable if not downright dark morals. And I’m not talking a bad boy with a heart of gold. I mean a totally fucked up piece of shit who absolutely does not care about anyone but themselves and MC.

Also, one I recently got some flak for was “LI says mean thing behind MC’s back and MC overhears and is hurt and LI then has to work to get back into MC’s good graces.” I’m a sucker for drama and questionable morals and I will not apologize.

Lindsay

My guilty pleasure is Choices

I also like slow burns. And Ethan ramsey 🤢

Julia (writer)

Does bed sharing count? I'm a huge sucker for bed sharing, even though it's cliche as hell. Also I am not immune to the glass cannon trope, i.e. a character who is super powerful but also super fragile.

I also like problematic power differences in relationships, and you can quote me on that. I love all the problematic tropes actually. Anything problematic you can think of, I probably read that.

Alex (writer)

I actually liked tna LMAO. Like i know it's overdramatic and extremely unrealistic, but it was still really fun to read and i always looked forward to the discussions around how ridiculous it was.

i also like really terrible movies, like my favorite movie is the worst thing i have ever watched in my life but i love it so much

And you could say that i multiship like an insane person. Way too many pairings to make sense.

Evie (writer)

Ok so for me, i think the femme fatale? does that count as a trope? i just love a woman being sexy, owning it, and using it to be morally corrupt. it doesn't even need to be well-done, or done in a feminist way. i see hot lady being evil, gay brain goes brrrrr

i also love love love the berserk button. a character that's usually cool and collected absolutely LOSING IT and going WAY OVERBOARD when someone they care about being hurt? or simply because They've Had Enough? absolutely love it, go off queen

I’m just trying to find the least triggering/pot-stirring way to say i actively look out for the worst possible shit on ao3. My guilty pleasure is reading my favorite characters get [redacted], [redacted] and [redacted]

M

I just love spectacle in movies.

Aku (artist)

Yandere x Tsundere

Eri

Berserk button is a godly trope as Evie well said. But I don't consider it a guilty pleasure, cause it's objectively good in my humble opinion. My guilty pleasure is Whump (first writing event I ever participated in was Whumptober lol). It can be as intense as it gets without permanent (physical) damage to the character, as long as there's a hopeful ending with a lot of comfort for good measure. Also, slightly-out-of-character hurt-comfort fics (out of character in the sense that said character would not accept the comfort under regular circumstances)

Sugar

i love the bad guys, i also love when characters go through the most terrible of things, it makes me (as a reader) feel something. anything flies as long as there’s a happy ending

[butwewillgoback]

Apa yang Ayah tinggalkan setahun yang lalu buatku adalah kesadaran bahwa selamanya aku akan mencari seseorang yang bisa menjadi tiang dalam kegoyahanku, yang nyatanya, dapat berlangsung selamanya. Aku nggak mau bilang kalau Sigmund Freud benar soal teori id, aku nggak mau dibilang unconscious realmku adalah mendambakan hidup yang nggak perlu ngoyo mengambil keputusan. Aku masih mau jadi orang yang bermoral yang masih bisa ngatur egonya, kurasa.

Charles the III, Prince of Wales (now Your Majesty King of England), didakwa punya OLD (yes he’s old but not this OLD). Obsessive Love Disorder, dimana hidup mati keputusanku didasarkan pada siapa yang dicintai. Tidak ada satu kuasa dari orang lain barang sebesar apapun yang dapat mempengaruhi kecuali dia, dan hanya dia untuk satu dan selamanya. I’m parakeeting the shit out of you. It might sounds weird and toxic but I gotta admit having the trait is ridiculously romantic and trigger some banter inside my heart. Because when the first time, I found out about the term, I was like, “Damn, aren’t u just like this, Kaes,”. I used to scream bloody bollocks towards love, saying that it only causes pain and infinite disappointment but little do I know that this trait are just a facade for someone we like to call as “BUCIN TOLOL”.

By the fact that my way of loving effected a lot by how my father treated our family, and the newly found out disorder that I secretly like, I conduct myself like a circus director. I juggled between wanting to go all out in loving (biarkan aku sembah dirimu, tapi janjikan aku surga sebagai gantinya), but scared because all my reference are all romantic books, movies and dramas. Since I was little, I always try to block all the memories of the absent of love and overloaded abuse. I wouldn’t want to picture future by the way people around me conduct their life. But then when I only listen and observe, jadi saksi sejarah tanpa jadi pelakunya, I had this hazy opinion abt people in general. That men is mostly just a only physical no brain person, that they judgement is poor and you should be careful with it. And women are easily offended, they tend to not say what they feel, they are very cautious and can stab you in the back anytime.

In that sense, I then believe that I should always be heavily loaded around them. So when it comes to love, I tried to have the upper hand once again, so I wont be my mom. I try to control the environment, with that much information I indirectly gathered, I met my first love (or so I thought). At that time I might be obsessed with teenlit, chicklit and romance novel and I see male specimen as savior and hati yang tulus harusnya adalah the right currency to be loved. But you shouldn’t believe a girl who’s in love with someone she’s been studied together with. Yang dengan berapi-api percaya bahwa love againts all odds, akan menang. They will met their happily ever after. Little did I know that life doesn’t work like that. In between trying to spend my youth with taking care of myself all alone tanpa ada sosok yang bisa diajak berkonsultasi atas hidup kecuali buku dan kaset bajakan film disney, aku nggak sengaja menjadi codependent pada manusia kurang dewasa ini dan akhirnya experiencing my first heartbreak. Aku inget banget selama tahun-tahun lalu aku hidup dengan lagu Nana Mizuki - Last Scene. It said,

Please go away now;

I don’t want to trouble you when I chase after you

In my dreams, as we embrace I want you to deceive me

In fact, even now, though I want you to find me within the crowd of people

I can’t show you tears anymore, right?

Turn at the next corner and go

It’s the last thing that I can do

I know with all of our differences, mostly the differences in feelings, I hate to admit that I turn into the monster people always talked about. The unindependent tiring girlfriend. The crazy one. I cried for damn whole month like crazy because I wanted this silly innocent love to work. But the moment I told people around me, they told me that I shouldn’t cry about it. Woman should never show her love to man. It’s better to be loved than to chase love.

They told me that tears are the symbol of defeated, and instead of embracing the pain, dan mengaku bahwa aku kalah (nggak seharusnya ada pihak yang menang dan kalah dalam cinta), aku melenggang mencari seseorang yang baru dengan semangat bahwa kalau aku tidak bisa bertemu dengan orang yang tepat, aku bisa bertemu dengan orang yang tepat.

Namun di satu sisi, ketika aku berhadapan dengan wanita, aku nggak bisa mengaplikasikan itu. Ada satu sisi dari diriku yang ngerasa aku begitu relatable dengan mereka dan aku harus tulus sebagaimana aku selalu mendambakan ketulusan, mereka pun begitu. Maka dari itu aku nggak pernah melakukan first move dalam memilih teman, I let them in and watched them go. Continuesly, tanpa tahu apa yang bisa kuperbaiki untuk bisa bersama mereka seterusnya. Akupun nggak tau kenapa aku kehilangan yang harusnya tinggal, dan meninggalkan yang harusnya kupertahankan. Aku nganggepnya, its a part of growing up. I stopped reaching out to them when they not initiated the first move. Aku nggak tahan kalau disakiti laki-laki, tapi aku lebih nggak mau disakiti sama perempuan. Makanya aku biarkan mereka berlalu, perasaanku nggak penting sama sekali.

Aku berakhir dengan nggak mau punya teman dan nggak mau punya cinta sama sekali. Aku cukup hidup aja dalam imajinasi dunia ideal ini. Aku bakal fokus pada obsesiku yang lain, belajar dan bikin ayah dan ibun bangga. Seberat apapun aku mengutuk ayahku karena dia cuman mau ‘ngurusin’ aku setiap aku lomba dan aku bagi rapor (bayangkan betapa besar pengabdianku padanya sampai ranking 1 paralel di SMA aja aku persembahkan padanya), obsesi terhadap mimpi dan cita-cita ini adalah pengalihan isu dari rasa sepi sekaligus ketakutan akan kehilangan lagi. Aku pikir, aku mungkin memang harus menambah banyak pengetahuan lagi in how to live life kayak orang lain, biar aku bisa menghindari hal-hal yang aku nggak mau rasakan dan bikin aku nggak nyaman.

Dan Tuhan made it so easy to me. My determination selalu membuahkan apa yang kuinginkan, dan layaknya manusia yang diberi kekuatan, i become greedy. I wanted to determine my life again. As my mom told me, jadilah pintar biar bisa memilih. If I can’t find my man, I’ll create my man. And here comes this mentally unavailable penurut man into my life. And I thought, people been praising me at how I overcome a major not everyone can excelled at, getting internship at company people can only dream about, having the career people can achieve 10 years later, so what’s so hard in bending a man and shape them into the ideal man I want?

But HAHAHAHAHA DAMN I WISH

The whole situation turn into 2 years of neverending endurance. Him enduring every tuntutan that I made, me enduring every stupid decision I made and watch him follow me like rebelling puppy. Fuck that’s so tiring but tiada kesuksesan tanpa kesulitan, I thought. Semua pandanganku akan lelaki seakan hancur lebur entah kemana, ternyata dengan tempaan apapun lelaki, ataupun perempuan, tidak akan berubah kecuali dia menginginkannya, atau mungkin ketika Tuhan menghendakinya.

Diantara itu aku pertemuanku sama 2 sahabatku yang penuh dengan kelainan, membuatku terus berpikir bahwa keikhlasan dalam berhubungan nyatanya ada. Aku yang selalu diam-diam meminta untuk dihubungi duluan, selalu bersama mereka yang tidak ragu untuk menyapaku, mau selama apapun aku lari dari mereka untuk menghadapi masalahku sendiri. Kebiasaan selalu dianggap sebagai dewi dalam keluarga, yang selalu dapat diandalkan oleh siapapun, aku nggak sudi kalau pandangan itu hilang dari diriku. So I ranaway, and I came back, and they embrace me again. Giving me a slack to be my own self, bungsu manja yang tinggal iya-iya aja sama semua permintaan mereka buat ditukar sama sayang yang tak terhingga.

Dalam kenyamanan itu, it got me thinking is this man is what I wish for, can I find my happy ending with him? Do the price of having good communication is worth for this unrebellious loyal loving man? And in this part, my mom suddenly come with her ‘jalur langit’. Or the greed become bigger, I don’t know. But that time, I thought that I can’t take this anymore, i’m so tired with trying to be what he wanted so he could be what I want. I’m done and I call it a quit.

Then the fear of being alone, and the sense of losing control over everything hit me. I was crying twice uglier than my first heartbreak. I feel like my life has been a series of wrong decision, and the more I feel like all the books and songs are unreliable, I started to fear that I’ll ended up being alone never feeling loved and satisfied.

Then the reality hits me like a truck (it sucks because puberty never did that to me), this once I thought I had power on man, actually been cheating on me while also blaming me that I’m too controlling. Fuck me, fuck my life.

Now i’m alone.

And i’m being deceived.

The two things I very much hate in this life. Suddenly I become my mom, and feeling utterly disgusted with my life. All those sacrifices and for what? Buat apa aku bersuka-ria mencintai diriku yang sedang mencinta kalau ternyata aku dibodoh-bodohi dan aku tidak menyadarinya? Ternyata aku nggak lain dari wanita yang sering kuketawain di drama, buta, nggak berotak. Dan ternyata aku nggak ikhlas diperlakukan begitu, keikhlasanku bodoh di depan cinta udah dihabisin sama ayahku. Dan sebelum aku melepas itu, dia dengan beraninya pulang duluan. Lalu kudu gimana aku harus tau bahwa ikhlas ini adalah hal yang benar atau salah? Yang bisa kutanyai ternyata sama Tuhan direnggut gitu aja. Biar jadi misteri terus, yang akhirnya it leads me to this new found out feelings : iri.

Nggak pernah sekalipun dalam hidupku aku bayangkan bahwa aku sadar aku ini gemar merasa iri. Di titik lelah ini, aku iri sama orang-orang yang always seems like their life is easy. Received a little and already feel blessed with it. And they look so much more organicly happier than me. While im beating my ass off in making people happy and somehow wishing that I’d feel that much happy when I received from others. But what I’ve been receiving the past years? What part of being smarter made me. Just a people please, a pretender. My little self will always want what I didn’t get from my dad, the innocent effortless love.

And this is the part when a new character unlocked in my life : Said Mahri.

[dreamkidddream]

hello!

can i request a hc on being best friends with dazai, chūya, oda and akutagawa (platonic and separate) and also maybe being in the pm or ada? thank you! :)

My first BSD request! When I tell you I fell in LOVE with the anime, omg. I binge watched the entire show and the movie within a couple days and can’t wait till they release more! So in these hc’s, I focused on both how you guys became friends and what you guys would do as best friends. Also, Akutagawa’s part got kinda long and more focused on how you guys became friends, hope that’s okay. Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy! Also after posting this, I saw that these got realllyy long. Hope that’s okay too!

Possible TW: mention of suicide, but nothing too heavy, and it’s in Dazai’s part

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2/DARK ERA ARC (I think it’s episode 13-16 if I’m not wrong, but if you haven’t watched it yet, skip Oda’s part)

Being Best Friends with Dazai, Chūya, Akutagawa and Oda HCs

Dazai

Can you say CHAOTIC ENERGY

Imagine just having a nonstop sugar rush

Actually, remember how he was after eating the mushrooms? That’s the kind of energy y’all radiate together

If you’re both in the ADA, you both goof off so much that you have to sit at separate desks alll the way on the other side of the room so that you can try to get your work done

The keyword being try

It doesn’t work

Poor Kunikida is going to pop a blood vessel at any second and everyone is so used to now that nothing even surprises them anymore

Oh, Kunikida is yelling at Dazai and (y/n) with smoke practically coming out of his ears? What else is new

Always going to the little cafe to slack off too

Messing with Atsushi also the highlight of both of your guys day

You guys have a mini competition going on which is: who can get/convince Atsushi to do their reports the most without getting caught?

You both get caught all the time (duh). Kunikida foams at the mouth for tricking poor Atsushi and the poor sap himself is ready to pass out 

If you guys are both in the PM, imagine goofing and slacking off but on a darker scale

“Hey (Y/N)! Wanna know how many bones are exactly in the human body? ”

“Hm, I’m slightly disgusted but intrigued..continue.”

Also, pranking Chūya any chance you can get

You and Dazai together = the bane of Chūya’s existence

Surprisingly, no matter in the ADA or PM you don’t join him on the suicide attempts and you try to deter him from doing it in your presence at least

“Dazai, do you mind not trying to drown yourself in the river while we’re working a case? Besides, you already tried it before and it’s a pretty stale method.”

Cue dramatic gasps and antics from him again

He did try to convince you to join when you first met him, but changed his mind overtime when he started to enjoy your company

He’s smart enough to know what you’re saying, and he understands. At first, he wanted to leave this world by any means, but since you came into his life as once of the closest people to him since Oda, he perhaps doesn’t want to leave you just yet

He doesn’t stop the attempts but he does slow down on them

You still have to pretty much save him all the time still though

“Oh (Y/N)! My hero of a best friend, what would I do without you?”

And he wasn’t lying. He feel like he would be lost again if it wasn’t for you to help him keep grounded. Sure, you guys may create chaos together, but he would always keep you safe no matter what. He would put his life before yours, because you deserved it

You’re his best friend after all, and he’s not ready to lose you by any means if he can help it

And he’ll always have your back 100%

Chūya

Drinking buddies!

I mean seriously, you guys have left the bar or restaurants way past tipsy more than once

You guys definitely have impromptu fashion trips together (no matter how much he denies liking them)

“Hey! That was my last good vest! You’re buying me a new one, and I’m going with you to make sure you’re not being cheap with it either.”

Chūya if you just wanna spend some time together just say that lmao

If you’re in the PM, you guys are always working together. You might even be an executive working alongside him, but no matter what you guys are always on missions with one another

If you’re in the ADA: you guys bonded over Dazai. You were complaining about him while facing Chūya and he happened to agree and add on to the complaints

Boy was he holding onto some grudges

While you both understand that you have your own obligations and loyalties to worry about, it didn’t stop the friendship from growing

If you do have to fight him, he doesn’t go easy on you (he does have a job to do like you) but he doesn’t go out the way to try and kill you either

And you don’t let anyone try to kill him either

Low key turns into a competition

“You fight like an 86 year-old shortstuff!”

“Who are you calling shortstuff?! You weren’t saying that last time when I whooped your ass!”

Regardless, you definitely become like a diary to him, especially after you find out about Arahabiki (which he tells you about over time)

You make him feel human, and he’s forever grateful for that

Being best friends with Chūya can be difficult at times (if you’re on opposite sides) but regardless, you both look out for each other

No matter how annoying you are can be, Chūya cares for you. You’re one of the only people that he doesn’t have to worry about betraying him (what happened with The Sheep still gets to him from time to time)

He begrudgingly calls you his best friend, but never in front of you or other people because 1. If he did you would never shut up about it and 2. he doesn’t want to be seen as “weak” or “soft”

And 3. you don’t need to be put into anymore danger than you’re already in

But you already know that you’re his best friend, cause he’s yours and nothing is changing that

“You’ll be a dumbass if you think I’ll let anything happen to you. Besides, the only person who’s allowed to kick my best friend’s ass is me, and if anyone else tries to they’ll have to deal with me!”

“*GASP* you’re finally admitting that I’m your best friend?!”

“DON’T RUIN THE DAMN MOMENT (Y/N)!”

Akutagawa

Oh man, being his best friend is like a hard to unlock achievement

Congrats (Y/N) on even getting close to this man, let alone enough to build a bond

It’s easier on being friends with Akutagawa if you’re in the PM. Bonus points if you go on missions all the time

But I will say if you are in the ADA, the easiest way to bond with him is to show that you are a force to be wrecking with, and maybe if you hate Atsushi or something too lol

But: think of Pinky and the Brain, but with Aku threatening to kill you every day (spoiler alert: he never does)

The only way that I can see you guys building your friendship is if he sees you in action and how you constantly have his back

He hates it because he knows what he’s doing and he’s been doing it for a while. He’s not an incompetent child (Y/N)!

But as time passes, he slowly gets over it. Don’t get me wrong, he still claims that he hates you asking if he’s okay and telling to “watch out” and things of that nature. But he starts to realize that you know what you’re doing too, and that he also sees that you care about the other subordinates too

He still sees if a sign of weakness, but you came to the realization that he wasn’t purposely doing it to be an ass (but don’t get me wrong, he still has his moments) but that he truly didn’t understand. He never had someone show him that they care for him, and it made you heartbroken

So, you made it your own personal goal to become his friend. And he hated it

At first

It seemed like wherever he was, you were there like his shadow. Going to hunt someone down that didn’t pay his debt? You were there in the background. Walking with Gin to the dry cleaners? You were already there, holding their readied clothes. Going to try and kill the weretiger? You were waiting for him with the car ready to go.

Higuichi started to hate you, until you told her that you did not want him. You just saw that he needed a friend, and you even came to an agreement of sorts. Once you and Akutagawa become strictly friends, you could try and hook them up

You knew it wasn’t happening anytime soon but you didn’t want to crush her dream and you didn’t want a target on your head

You really had to pat yourself on the back, (Y/N). It took some time, but you finally did it! Akutagawa didn’t totally hate you anymore! 

You came to this conclusion after one of your missions went south. Not only did you not get the information that Mori needed, but you came back with a bullet wound. Granted you got reprimanded, and after you got out the meeting, he was waiting outside. For you 

“Maybe if you would stop acting so careless and focus on the mission, then you would have both succeeded and came back uninjured. It’s obvious that you need someone to watch over you like a child. Don’t embarrass me or I will end you myself.” 

Shocked wasn’t the word. He was going to accompany you on all your missions now? Oh wow, is he finally-

“Stop standing there with your mouth open like an idiot (Y/N). You’re bleeding all over the place. Come, so that someone can dress your wound. We have more work now that I have to go behind and clean up your mess. And you’ll be coming with me, so hurry up.”

You smiled. Even though this bullet wound was hurting like hell, you were happy. Happy that, even in his own Akutagawa way, that he was starting to accept you and your friendship.

It would take a while for you to become best friends, but the way your partnership is now, you were fine with that. As long as he knew that someone was standing in his corner no matter what, you were happy.

And he would support you too, in his own Akutagawa way

Oda

(AGAIN: SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON 2/DARK ERA ARC. SKIP ODA’S PART IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED IT)

Okay, this man is loyal no matter what 

He has a good head on his shoulders, he’s understanding, doesn’t have a crazy temper like some people do, and he doesn’t kill anymore

Oda would be one of the best people to be best friends with

I personally believe that it doesn’t matter whether you’re in the ADA or the PM, he only cares about what type of person you are.

Curry buddies!

Also, just imagine telling each other book recommendations and just talking about books in general

You would even look at some of the writing he did have and just UGH

He just wanted to be a writer he deserved a happy ending

If you’re in the ADA, you guys met at the little curry spot he likes so much

You were on a case local to the area when you stopped to grab a bite to eat. You saw him eating the spiciest curry you ever smelt (seriously, you could smell it from where you were sitting!) without making a single face

When he saw you just gaping at him, he was...very confused. Until you finally asked how the hell he was eating that with no issues

“It’s not that bad, it’s pretty good really. If you want to try some I’ll pay for it.”

You took him up on the offer, cause it did look really good. And you have never made a bigger mistake than that

You had to drink so much milk afterwards

And the cook was damn near laughing in tears at you and Oda managed to crack a small smile at your exaggeration

“It’s not that bad.”

“WHAT- *COUGHCOUGH* EVER”

And that was the start of your wonderful friendship

He definitely is worried about the conflict of interest because of being in the PM himself and working directly with one of the most vicious executives to ever exist

Seriously, Dazai was still his friend but damn could he do some things that even he couldn’t stomach

And he couldn’t imagine what Mori would make him do if he found out he was being buddy buddy with the enemy

So he kept his distance at first until you saw the kids. His guard was up at first but when he saw how you interacted with them, it melted his heart (on the inside, he was still stone faced on the outside)

So you guys met up a couple of times each month in between jobs and missions

If you’re in the PM, you worked alongside him and related to his stance on not killing anymore. Granted, you both were working on the other side of justice, but if you guys could help it you wouldn’t create bodies if it didn’t have to be any

If you guys weren’t meeting at the curry spot, you were meeting about Bar Lupin

You supported him through and through, especially with his dream of becoming a writer. You even went out to the bookstore a couple of times to try and inspire him to write something for you to read

It didn’t matter if you were in the ADA or the PM, you encouraged him to follow his dream. And when he would look at you confused , and asked why you were doing this, you would always reply:

“I wouldn’t be a good best friend if I didn’t tell you to follow your dreams, now would I? You deserve it, Oda. You’re a good man, and that can’t be said about a lot of people, especially people in the Port Mafia.”

He really did care for you, and in his last final moments before Dazai got there, he thought about you, and how terrible he felt for leaving you behind.

He wanted you to know that he always appreciated you. You reassured him always, never doubting him, and there wouldn’t be enough thanks in the world for that

When you found out about his death, you were devastated. You didn’t want to believe it at first and you kept blaming yourself that maybe you could’ve convinced him more to leave the dangerous life behind and to pursue his dreams

Until you found a letter in your door, which was actually a short story written by him attached to a letter.

“Thank you for being the best friend a man could ask for. I will always appreciate you (Y/N), no amount of words can tell you how much I will. Thank you for letting me live out my dream, even if it was for a short time.”

It really confirmed it when Dazai arrived outside to tell you Oda’s fate, but he stopped once he saw you crying and clutching the letter in your hand

Much time has passed, and Oda’s death still haunts you. But, you continue to live for the both of your sakes. You even try to eat the spiciest curry at restaurants in his memory, but you can just see him shaking his head and cracking a small smile at your silliness

And you also remember his motto: limit to one curry meal per day (it’s silly, but it makes you feel better because it’s his silly motto and how serious he took it)

You even start to read more (and to specific, the series that he wanted to finish)

You see your life in brighter eyes now because of Oda. He was- actually still is- your best friend, and you will continue to live on in his memory

You just hate that you didn’t have the time to tell him how much you appreciated him being in your life, and how much of a positive influence he’s been as your best friend.

But that’s okay, because you think he already knows how much you do

[beneaththemasks]

hey I promised this a long time ago but my depressed ass didn't let me write so

Analyzing Atsushi and Akutagawa pt.2

cw: dazai hate and beast spoilers

previous part here

first of all I want to clarify that this has been sitting in my drafts for nearly a whole year so yeah it's very likely that I might forget some important details but I'll try to get to my initial point anyways.

a few month ago when I decided to reread beast for a second time (after realising I hadn't paid much attention to it the first time) I came up with all these ideas of how and why Dazai decided to pair Akutagawa and Atsushi together.

again, this analysis is going to be a very real-life-based interpretation on the characters and the whole plot probably. so don't really pay much attention if I mix stuff from the light novels with stuff from the main plot bc the point is basically analyse why their relationship was built.

parting from the final scenes of the beast novel that end with Dazai telling Atsushi and Akutagawa that he needed to make them fight each other in order to protect the world he had created for Oda inside the book, I tried to tie a few ends that were hanging lose for a while in my head.

now, you can read this however you like (be it me being just stupid or whatever) but, ever since we got to see part of how Dazai treated Akutagawa back in the Port Mafia I kept finding myself going through the same problem over and over again to try and understand why the hell was he so fucking obsessed with making him physically stronger rather than, you know, actually focusing on training him as a whole good and worthy subordinate.

why did dazai, being as smart and manipulative as he is, made such a rudimentary mistake of only teaching akutagawa how to strengthen his ability if he knew the boy was a killing machine?

I think you can understand then why the part where Dazai makes them fight each other in beast was even MORE confusing to me...

but that's not all there is to it.

Dazai not only failed (?) to train Akutagawa but he did succeed in training Atsushi??

well, as much as we love to see a character growing and as much as you'd like to attribute it to him leaving the mafia, I don't really think that was the reason. after all, as I already said, Dazai is very smart and has always been, he probably already had it all planned back in the port mafia.

and here's where my galaxy brain starts to think.

right from the start, the whole Dazai's subordinates deal felt very strange and inconsistent to me. I never understood why would he loose so much for Akutagawa and obsess so much with pointing out the fact that Atsushi was better than him when he was no longer part of the PM therefore he supposedly shouldn't mind about wether Akutagawa was good bad or whatever.

it started getting very dense to me tbh but that's not important

enter beast, a world where Dazai can literally do almost anything he wants, and what does he do? the boy goes and straight up fucks up akutagawa and atsushi for the second time makes akutagawa and atsushi hate each other and hold the weight of the world in their hands. again.

ok this was getting VERY annoying, plus their fight was so so so painful to read that it literally made me wonder what was the point in forcing them to face their trauma in such a cruel way at a moment like that.

thankfully there was a reason... but it never clarified precisely WHY FIGHT EACH OTHER.

if Dazai never taught Akutagawa how to be a better and sharper person because he didn't really know how, that was not a problem in beast. because Oda was there to do it. Oda could have taught Akutagawa what Dazai lacked as a mentor.

then, if Dazai wanted Atsushi to protect the book, he could've literally ask him without any need to involve Akutagawa.

but then, the whole point of why Dazai took Akutagawa in the first time "in the original world" and the reason behind why he also took Atsushi would've been lost.

Dazai is, indeed, a mastermind.

he knows what's necessary to make a world where people like Oda can live and write. he knows, probably better than anyone, that god doesn't care about things like balance and harmony. that he'd have to create it himself.

after all, coherency is one of the rules of the book.

Akutagawa and Atsushi fail their mission against Fukuchi (probably at Aku's life cost) in the main plot because that happened in the same world where Oda and Gide die after fighting for the same goal. a world where only those who fight and have the talent will prevail.

Dazai knows very well that, in that world, balance and harmony will never exist.

that's why Dazai creates a new world instead, where Atsushi and Akutagawa never team up and try to kill each other instead. a world where they force each other to recognize their flaws and admit their mistakes, a world where they'll have to learn how to live on with it no matter what they want to protect the world.

protect the world by proving that both sides of the same coin can fit, that none is better than the other.

so yeah, basically, the events that take place in "the original world" are proof to Dazai that god doesn't care about good or evil, that the only ones that will prevail are those who fight for their right to live (and this also probably explains why Atsushi and Akutagawa will never win as long as they fight without acknowledging what they have in front of them).

therefore, he decides to create a world where Oda won't have to fight to live because Atsushi and Akutagawa will fight but won't have to kill each other to prove their existence. they'll simply accept that both sides of the coin can exist even if they're weak, afraid or bad and that will be enough to give birth to a new world order.

there's actually more than this. in fact, there are a lot of reasons why Akutagawa and Atsushi are important for each other despite Dazai's plans and the world's destiny. however, since it'd be too confusing to try explaining it all in the same post sooo I'll be leaving that for a 3rd part.

[bluesideofzha]

Crying in Borahae

kenapa aku bisa sesayang itu sama bangtan?? kenapa tidak dari dulu nge-stan mereka?? kenapa dulu gak kepikiran buat cari tahu lirik-lirik lagu mereka (yg padahal so relatable sama hidup yg messy ini)?? kenapa dulu gak support mereka pas mereka lagi jatuh-jatuhnyaa??

i wish i could know them at the beginning. kan bisa jadi nambah alasan buat bertahan hidup, from those many reasons. nambah semangat buat nguli buat bisa nonton euphoria konser merekaaaaaaa 😭

andai LA itu sedekat Lenteng Agung, mau war dapetin concert ticket yang harus sikut-sikutan macem squid game mah ayookk.

dan aku membenci diri ini yg masih misqiiiienn hahaha.

ya gimana??

imagine if i'm going 😔

...

what if Jungkook will surprise them by singing the song he made during his birthday live?? and suddenly crying so hard after his damn 2 years off?? he easily cry, right?? or performing "My Time" with unbuttons shirt and dancing by flexing his abs and throwing his hair back and lil water droplets on his chest?

what if RM will sing "Forever Rain"? or "Everything Goes"?? or another songs in his mono mixtape?? with his new short hair cut and his sexy brain as always?? and make me feel like "Mono" is listening to me. no one understand me. Only "Mono" understands me.

what if V will make me sob my heart out (again) when he finally sing "Sweet Night" on the stage, that made my pillow full of tears after listening it on my very first time, at 3AM, after a very hard and long day?? 😭😭 and seeing him just trying to hold back his tears while staring his universe?? and say "we purple you"?

what if J-hope showing his powerful and hip thrust dance break while singing "Bapsae" that made me curious about them, for the very first time knowing BTS?? that energy so 🔥(who is this guy?? i'm almost choked!) and seeing him with teary eyes is just....hits different!!

what if Jimin will flirt you on purpose with smile eyes, when you're so close to him??on the same sky, on the same place, on the same time?? and suddenly weeping with joy like JK in front of you? and singing "Louder Than Bombs" with his angelic voice?

what if they will sing "Mic Drop", and Suga sings his part while flexing he is actually not doing lipsync (dear haters, look at this!!)?? i love the way he raps , and yeah he's my bias🔥

what if 3J (JK, Jimin, J-Hope) will be back on the stage while dancing "Butter feat Megan"??

aaannddd..... what if Coldplay and Bangtan are on the same stage together?? Coldplayers and ARMY unite. and imagine it in the middle of "My Universe" 😭

i just cant!!!

i really hope there will be a livestream. it's going to be so emotional.. till i realize that we are in different timezone and i will be staying up all night haahh??? 🤣

one more thing... well.. this is LA, so you also fighting celebrities for tickets 😭

good luck US ARMYs for the hunger games for the tickets 💜🎉

and please go be vaccinated before buying the tickets. pleaseplease have negative swab test results!! the safety of BTS lies in our hands. And remember... the media LOVES NEGATIVE PRESS. They will take chance to get misleading and clickbait headlines. haters gonna be haters. one wrong move, and all fingers will point towards BTS.

*sigh*

well, someday, i will....

[animepreferences]

P R E F E R E N C E # 3 - D R U N K S H E N A N I G A N S

A K U T A G A W A

“If you ever return her to me in less than perfect condition again...Well, Y/N, wouldn’t really appreciate me finishing that statement. Just don’t let it happen again. Understood?” The seriousness that his face illustrated was even more frightening than the inflection in his voice. The two friends nodded in agreement, unable to muster up the words and courage to apologize again. Furthermore, they thought it might be better to not say anything at all at this point. Which is why after a few awkward seconds they began to back away slowly before scurrying down the porch, almost tripping over each other to get back in their car. Aku could hardly hide his chuckle as he turned to enter the house where he could hear you fumbling around in the kitchen. “Now, what am I supposed to do with you?” He muttered to himself, amusement flitting to his face. “I’m so hungry.” You pouted, arms crossed, lip jutted out. “Did your mean friends not even feed you?” Aku inquired, beginning to pull out a pan and fill it with water. “No. They took me straight home. They knew you’d probably be mad and they didn’t want to make matters worse by getting me home later. I think they’re frightened by you.” Akutagawa couldn’t help but to smirk at this, turning the heat on the stove as he began to prepare your very late dinner. “Smart friends. How does ramen sound? The carbs will be good for you, soak up some of that alcohol.” Aku explained, biting his lip to avoid the smile that was fighting it’s way through. You had curled yourself around his backside, your arms wrapping tight around his waist. He could feel your warm cheek pressing to his shoulder blade, your hot breath sending internal shivers down his spine. He was so thankful you couldn’t hear his thoughts, let alone see his face; he was completely smitten by you and it was particularly hard to control when you were acting like this. “Mmmm. Sounds good. Though, Aku, would you mind giving me a kiss first please?” He rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. Sober Y/N was never this forward. “Of course,” Turning around to embrace you in a tight hug, he leaned down and brushed his lips against yours, electricity shooting all over his body in an invigorating frenzy. Your hands found their way to knot in his hair, his hands slipping to your lower back. Unlike most of your kisses that were typically very controlled and romantic, this one was wild and unpredictable. He almost let out a moan when you bit down on his lip, granting entrance for his tongue, your hand trailing down his chest slowly...“That’s enough for now.” Aku breathed, trying to recover from the whirlwind his head was currently in. “Woah,” you agreed, almost losing your footing as you stumbled backward. Aku was just in time to catch you in his arms, steadying you before leading you to a bar stool, forcing you to sit and rest. As he cooked your food, he couldn’t help but to thank the lucky stars that he could do this; that he could take care of you and be a good partner. It was a great feeling for him, being able to do this, knowing that he could be there for you when you needed. That is until he looked up and noticed you had already passed out there, head slumped in your arms. “You drunk little fox,” were his last words before draping a blanket over your shoulders while he finished cooking.

-

D A Z A I

“Careful, my love.” Dazai chided softly, his arms reaching to steady you after he threw an oversize t-shirt on the bed for you, as you fumbled to get your heels off. “Allow me,” He smiled politely, lifting you gracefully so that you were sitting promptly on the bed now. You both had just gotten home from a celebration party with the agency and you had ingested one too many glasses of champagne. “There you go,” He sighed, chucking your shoes behind him before massaging your swollen ankles. He never really understood why you wore such poor choices in shoes when they hurt you the way they did, but he couldn’t deny how irresistible your legs looked when you wore them. Then again, you looked irresistible all of the time to him. “Dazaiiiiiiiii, help!” you whined, scratching at your back trying to unzip your own dress. It took Dazai a moment to pick up on your endeavors, the soft kisses he was peppering on your ankles halting. “Of course, yes.” Dazai obliged, scurrying from the ground to join you on the bed. Slowly unzipping the back of your dress, Dazai tried his best to be a perfect gentlemen, failing miserably as he took in your nude back, clad in only your matching bra and panty set, lust twinkling in his eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat, letting out an exhale as he stared at the ceiling desperately trying to distract himself. ‘She’s drunk, she’s drunk, she’s drunk’, Dazai chanted to himself internally, trying his best not to touch what he so badly wanted to. “Much better.” You stated, standing to your feet, allowing the dress to drop around your ankles, leaving you nude right before his eyes. “Yes, indeed.” He bit his lip, his brain clouded when you walked over to him on the bed and straddled him. Fingers running through his shaggy locks, you leaned in and began to kiss him on the mouth with vehemence and passion. Dazai was shocked at your newfound confident nature, but wasn’t about to argue it as he reciprocated with the same fire and energy. Arms wrapping around your waist, he pulled you even closer deepening the kiss as he slipped his tongue in your mouth while you were attempting to catch your own breath. Untangling your fingers from his hair, your hands reached to unclaspe your bra clumsily. That’s when it all clicked for him. His head had been so full of excitement, that it took him a quick second to remember what was really happening. He could taste the alcohol on your breath, see the disconnect in your eyes; you weren’t all there. This was wrong. “Belladonna, I love you and I typically love when you try to undress yourself, but this isn’t right. You’re not all here at the moment unfortunately and I can’t in good concience do anything with you without your full, sober consent.” He spoke slowly so you would understand, but you only let out a huge puff of unsastisfied air in response. “This is me giving you my consent,” You leaned in for a kiss, but Dazai intercepted kissing your forehead instead, forcing your arms up as he tugged the oversized t-shirt over your head. “Y/N. You know we can’t.” Dazai reasoned, pulling the covers back as he pat the open space beside him. “But I can hold you until you fall asleep? How does that sound?” His words were like melting honey. How could you deny that even if you were drunk? You were never one to turn down Dazai cuddles. Collapsing against his chest, you let out a small ‘hmph’ in a disatisfied pout, trying to ignore how good his arms felt around your body. “I know I’m no fun, but I love you very much.” He said after a moment. You had attempted to say it back, but the drunkness was already taking over and you were already growing very tired. He laughed at your attempt nonetheless and smoothed your hair back lovingly. “You sure are a riot when you drink.” Were his last words before allowing him to fall asleep with you happily in his arms.

-

C H U U Y A

You had gone completely silent. Chuuya thought you had simply fallen asleep because typically car rides did that for you when you were drunk. Furthermore, he didn’t think much of it. That is until he heard the sniffling. And the fidgeting. And the ragged breathing. “Y/F/N.” He would say calmly, sneaking a glance over your way. He could already tell just by looking at you that you were trying to hide your face from him. You were an emotional drunk and you were definitely crying. “Y/N. Look at me,” He would demand, grabbing your hand in his and kissing your knuckles gently. Chuuya had witnessed this on so many occasions that he had grown desensitized to your overdramatic actions while under the influence. In fact, it was one of his favorite things to talk and joke about the next day because he knew it was simply just the alcohol taking its toll. That didn’t mean, however, he still wasn’t going to bust his ass to at least try and cheer you up. Your smile was priceless to him after all. “Baby, why are you crying?” He would sigh as you finally peaked at him through your hair. “Because I just-I just-I just love you so much, Chuuya!” You would gasp in between hysterical sobs, your crying becoming progressively louder as you threw your fists over your eyes. “You don’t even know how hot you are, it’s awful. I just want to kiss your stupid face all of the time.” You wailed miserably. Chuuya was quiet for a moment and then suddenly he broke out into a loud guffaw. Were you seriously crying over how much you loved him? And how hot you thought he was? Oh, how he was going to LOVE to remind you of this in the morning. Mortified wouldn’t even begin to touch on it. “And now you’re-you’re laughing at me! Do you not love me back anymore? That would suck a lot.” This made him laugh even harder, though he was making a genuine effort to calm down to comfort you even if you were being ridiculous. “My sweet, silly, beautiful girl. If only you knew how much I really loved you. Words cannot even begin to make a dent on the love I have for your very drunken self.” The car came to a halt as he pulled up to your shared apartment, turning to look at you with complete sincerity. “Why are you laughing then?” You would ask timidly, your tears now drying against your puffy cheeks. “Because It’s funny to me that you would even have to consider asking me if I still love you. I will always love you till my last breath and so on. Of course, I love you. I’ll scream it and wake up the entire neighbor hood if you want me to,” He offered opening his car door and slamming it before coming to the passenger side to get you. When you didn’t budge, he cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Well, aren’t you going to tell the neighbors?” He rolled his eyes, lifting up your unwiling body as he kicked the door shut with his foot. Oh, how he loved his very stubborn girlfriend. “I really do love you Y/N. More than I’ve ever loved anything in my life.” He soothed you, kissing the space in between your eyes as he walked you through the threshold of your apartment. “I love you Chuuya.”

[mynameseri]

EEE erigawa time since that nap really refreshed my brain hehe. So since you’re working sooo much lately Akutagawa has been missing your like crazy!!! He has his own work which just is more aggravating bc he just wanted to be with you!!! He knows you’re really tired & stressed, so starts sending you gifts to your work!! He sends lunch/dinner via Uber eats, those edible arrangements, flowers, et all with some really sappy love quote he left about how he loves you!!! OMG also at the beginning of this month, he made you a special advent calendar, so every morning before work you get another treat. He just LOVES spoiling you, you’re his girl!!! He loves seeing how happy you are when you get any of his goodies!!! You send him a selfie with it & such a sweet text message thanking him & OML he just gets soo happy Chuuya always makes a little teasing comment. EVERYONE KNOWS JUST HOW HE IS IN LOOOOOVE WITH YOU!!!! Also him & Gin are currently Christmas shopping for you, looking for a beautiful gold bracelet with a heart but shhh you didn’t hear that from me. Hes so excited to see your reaction to it!!! He can’t stop smiling anytime he thinks of you!!! He just loves you soooo much words can’t even explain how much love he has for you!!!!

KSHFDKJFH CAM YOU FEED ME SO FREAKIN WELL I AM UNDESERVING!!!!!!!!! SJDFHSKJDF ERIGAWA BRAINROT, BRAIN IS NOW MALFUNCTIONING!!!!!!!

Akutagawa misses me sooo much cause we’re both so caught up with our jobs! We just want to be together all the time but life has to go and get in the way of that! He’s so thoughtful 🥺 He really does the most to spoil me and remind me that I occupy his brain 24/7!!! Omg he always leaves the cutest messages on the stuff he sends to my work and I just text him like “BBBAAAABBYYYY you didn’t have to do that” 😫💞 He’s all coy like “I know I didn’t, but I wanted to” UGH HE’S SO PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!! Omg his little advent calendar he really said I love Eri and I am doing the MOST FOR HER FAVE MONTH!!!!!! He lives for the little selfies I send him with the things he gives me, sometimes I look so busted but he’s always there to remind me how beautiful he thinks I am!!! He starts smiling at his phone and Chuuya’s just making so much fun of him. Octagon just scowls and tells him to shut up HAHAHHA poor baby Aku he’s just doing his best. 

Gin helped him pick out the bracelet to match the necklace I wear every day!! He’s a stickler about things matching and he wanted it to be absolutely perfect, so he asked for Gin’s assistance, which she was so happy to provide!🥺🥺 My heart just FLUTTERS thinking about how much Akutagawa loves me! I am his for LIFE!!!! He loves me so so much too, we were just meant to be!!! 😍😍😍😍